


bitter chill like cold coffee

by kittybenzedrine



Category: Umbrella Academy
Genre: Agender Ben Hargreeves, Depression, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittybenzedrine/pseuds/kittybenzedrine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Depression is a hell of a thing.</p><p>So is a supportive partner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bitter chill like cold coffee

The bitter cold of early December bit at Klaus' exposed skin, chilling his nose and fingertips. He kept his legs crossed, feet tucked under himself to avoid them getting too cold. As he took a drag of his cigarette, he though of many things. 

His and his siblings' 19th birthdays had just passed a few weeks before. He was running low on smokes. His jacket was a bit too thin, but he liked the hood. Maybe throwing himself off the roof would kill him. He really wanted some eggnog with a splash of spiced rum in it.

Klaus shifted, involuntarily shuddering at the cold biting at his skin. Behind him, a door opened. A flood of warm light washed over him, elongating his shadow in a horrible distortion, dipping the dark shadow over the edge of the roof. He tensed, feeling eyes on his back. Whoever it was closed the door and slowly made their way towards him, making just enough noise to be heard over the wind.

Looking down, he realized that his cigarette had burnt out. He sighed, removing the pack from his pocket and putting the half-smoked stick back in. He stuffed the box back in, fixing the hood on his head as the person stopped just behind him.

"Do you mind if I sit?" Ben asked, and Klaus felt a small wave of relief wash over his chest.

He nodded, feeling their familiar shape settle next to him. Ben by no means was a physically warm person. In fact, their skin usually had the same temperature as clammy skin after a nightmare. However, the hand that settled on Klaus' clothed right knee seared with heat and he nearly sighed at it. He hadn't realized just how cold he was.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out across the yard. The giant, bare tree out front waved in the wind, some branches looking like they were in the verge of falling. The moon shone down on them, turning Ben's light blue jacket a brilliant shade that Klaus didn't have a name for.

"I know you said that you need space while you sort this out, but, you know. It's, it's been a week. I miss you," Ben said quietly, breaking the silence with their silky voice.

"I know," Klaus replied lamely. There were better things he could have said, like _sorry_ , or _I missed you too_ , or best of all, _you'll be less worried if I'm distant, because you won't see how bad it gets._

"And I, you know, I'm not trying to guilt you. I'm just worried. You haven't been eating regularly. And, all the uh, alcohol and pills and drugs probably not uh, not, not helping much."

"Your stutter comes out real bad when you're nervous."

"Don't change the subject, Klaus."

His shoulders hunched some. Gently, Ben rubbed his knee. They leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheekbones, lips warm on his skin. 

"I didn't mean for that to, to come out so uh, so mean. Sorry." They paused. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Klaus sighed. "Not really much to talk about."

They shifted closer, pressing their knees together. "Are you sure? Last time you got... Well, got like _this_ , I found you... Um."

"Facedown in a pool of vomit and blood?"

"Yeah."

Klaus didn't respond. That had been a little over a year ago, and he hadn't been allowed to be alone for a solid two months. Ben had volunteered, and it had been what got them back together. Ironically enough, it'd been their breakup that caused him to try to... Yeah.

They'd started "dating" at 14, got relatively serious about each other at 15, and then Klaus broke it off at 17. He'd wanted to "be free for a bit", aka have sex with strangers without the crushing guilt of cheating. A few months later, he received the crushing guilt from how bad he'd broken Ben's heart. They'd known exactly why he broke up with them, and him lying about it was what hurt the most.

The guilt had eaten at him, and when the next major depressive mood had hit, he'd mixed booze and pills and slashed his arms up. He figured if one didn't kill him, the other would. Then Ben found him, things happened, they got back together after he was out of the hospital and under Ben's constant care. They had no idea that was the reason that he'd tried to off himself.

"You're not going to try to- to try again, are you?" Ben asked, breaking him out of his train of thought. They sounded faintly panicked.

He thought about it. After the break up, Klaus had a policy about not lying to Ben unless he felt it was absolutely necessary. So he thought about his answer very hard.

It took too long, apparently, because Ben reached out and cupped his face, turning him to look at them. "You're not going to, are you?"

"I..." Klaus averted his eyes, trying to figure out a way to say it. "I can't... I can't promise anything about the future, but for right now, the answer is no. I'm not."

Ben nodded, keeping their now chilled hand on Klaus' jaw. "Okay. That's all I needed."

They stood, stroking his face as they did. "Why don't you come in, sweetheart? We can, we can take a hot shower together to uh, warm back up, and I can reheat some dinner for you."

They held a hand out to him. After a moment of hesitation, he took it, letting Ben pull him to his feet.

 

The two of them stood together in the warm spray, holding each other until the bluish tint left his skin and he was sufficiently warm.

As promised, Ben reheated some of the thick soup Mom had made for dinner, which Klaus finished in record time. Ben spoon-fed him the last of what was in their own bowl, having decided they were no longer hungry.

They laid together in Ben's bed, faces inches apart, studying each others features. Occasionally one would lean in and kiss the other, but the two were more than content to just lay together in the silence, enjoying each others presences.

"I love you," Ben told him softly, feeling Klaus' fingers curl into their shirt.

"And I love you."

"I'm here for you, Klaus. Always. Through the thick and thin. Or like the vows we haven't taken yet, 'for better or worse'."

"You said 'yet'."

Ben smiled. "Yeah. Yet. I know we're young and all, but I've got to make an honest man out of you at some point."

It was Klaus' turn to smile. "An honest man, and only your man. Just want you to know, when you eventually ask, I'll say yes. Unless I happen to ask you first, but I have the feeling you'll say yes too."

The two leaned in for a kiss, meeting in the middle. Klaus propped himself up a bit, leaning over them to make the kiss work better.

"God I love you, Ben."

"And god, I love you right back Klaus."

**Author's Note:**

> It's two in the morning and I can't feel my eyes


End file.
